By Integrated Marketing Associate Liz Ternes
Blending a family is never simple. It requires patience and willingness to grow together over time. For Noelle and her stepson Nate, that journey also meant navigating identity, grief, and what it looks like to truly support someone you love.
When Noelle met Nate’s dad in 2020, they were building something new in the wake of profound loss. He had lost his wife, and Nate and his siblings had lost their mother just a few years earlier. When their families came together, everyone needed time to adjust. For Nate, that adjustment also included something deeply personal: understanding his gender identity and figuring out how to live as his full self.
What followed was not an instant bond. It was something built day by day. Through conflict, learning, and a commitment to show up for each other, Noelle and Nate created a strong relationship rooted in love for each other.
Growing Into Each Other
When Noelle first stepped into her role as a step-parent, things were not easy.
Nate was struggling, and the two clashed often. There were misunderstandings on both sides. Emotions ran high, and neither of them fully knew how to reach the other. Instead of ignoring that tension, their family chose to face it. Therapy became part of the process as they worked to find their footing as a new family of seven.
Over time, something shifted. The fighting gave way to understanding. The distance turned into real love.
That change deepened during a moment that Noelle still carries with her. Nate opened up about the fear that his mother would not accept him for who he is. In that moment, Noelle made a promise that would shape everything that followed.
“I promised him then that I would do anything and everything in my power to see him thrive in life,” said Noelle.
It was not about having all the answers. It was about being present and choosing love, clearly and consistently.
The Power of Showing Up
Nate feels most supported by Noelle because she shows up every day.
“It wasn’t some big extravagant moment. It was the small things that don’t seem significant,” Nate noted.
It was Noelle helping his dad start calling him Nate. It was her openness when he wanted to wear a dress to prom. It was the ease of talking about his day without fear of judgment.
Those moments of support built a strong relationship between stepmom and son.
Noelle’s own lived experience shapes how she shows up. As a Black queer woman, she understands what it means to navigate identity in a world that does not always make space for it. At the same time, Nate has pushed her to keep learning, especially when it comes to gender and expression.
In their home, conversations are open and questions are encouraged. Everyone is given the space to figure out who they are.
That support extends beyond just the two of them. Nate’s siblings embraced him fully, creating a home where he feels seen and supported. As a family they root themselves in connection built around hugs and lots of quality time.
Listening, Learning, and Letting Go
Noelle does not believe in parenting through control and instead focuses on providing Nate with the guidance he needs to become the best version of himself.
She asks Nate questions and alternates between support and challenging Nate and all of her children when they need it.
Nate meets her in that space. He speaks up when something does not feel right and knows that Noelle has his back when he needs her to.
“She’s helped me advocate for myself,” Nate said, “and become better at fully presenting as how I want.”
At the heart of it, Noelle wants Nate to know one thing above all else.
He belongs.
She sees his talent, his confidence, and the unique way he moves through the world.
“Nate is magic! I want him to believe that as much if not more than I do!” exclaimed Noelle. “He’s a beautiful dancer and stage performer…put a camera in front of this kid he shimmers so brilliantly. My biggest dream is for him to change the world!”
Nate knows she will always do her best to understand him and meet him exactly where he is.
Advice for Other Parents from Nate and Noelle
Parents don’t need to have everything figured out to support and love their children. What matters most is how they show up when their child is trying to understand who they are.
As Nate shared, “It’s okay to not fully understand what your child is going through and it’s okay to be confused. Everyone says this, but support your kid. Even if it’s just calling them what they prefer — it truly means a lot. Remember, your child isn’t you and they are their own person.”
When parents pause to truly listen, even without perfect answers, they communicate respect and love. Supporting LGBTQ+ youth means meeting them where they are, affirming their identity, and recognizing that they are their own people. It is less about having certainty and more about choosing patience and consistent support.
Nate and Noelle are like so many families in the United States, blended together in love and growing stronger every day.
Take Action
Stories like these are at the heart of Lambda Legal’s campaign for the parents of trans youth.
We fight for the rights of families like Nate and Noelle’s every day. Learn more on our All Rise page.