By Michael Remaley, Lambda Legal Major Gifts Officer
There is a story behind the National Liberty Awards table with her name on it. She is like a lot of our donors, and yet, like no other.
In April 1993, a mom who loved her gay son went to Washington, DC, to participate in the largest LGBTQ+ demonstration ever assembled and, at the time, one of the largest protests in American history. She didn’t tell her son she was going to the march. Over the decades, she had been to countless protests for reproductive rights, environmental justice and civil rights (and later, of course, the Movement for Black Lives). Joan Hellmann had raised her son in a Unitarian community steeped in humanism and was doing her small part that day. And she was hoping to see him in the crowd.
I was 23 years old and marching with my first boyfriend and a bunch of Philadelphia friends, and I was definitely not thinking about my mom as we passed the White House on the way to the Mall. But just a block from the Washington Monument, as I was reveling in the joy of being immersed in a sea of queer bodies, I heard, over the boisterous crowd, my mom screaming my name. There needs to be a German word for being simultaneously grateful and mortified. Stoltzverlegenheit? Let’s call it pridebarrassment.
My friends thought she was adorable and expressed their envy for having a parent show up like that. I felt deep love, and I also wanted to run away. After two awkward minutes of introductions and small talk with her and her husband George, I insisted that we had to get to the stage because I couldn’t possibly miss Madonna speaking.
The following year, two notable things happened. One was – unbeknownst to me – the first annual donation from Joan and George Hellmann arrived at Lambda Legal. They donated every single year for the next 30 years. I didn’t discover this until I became a major gifts officer at Lambda Legal last year and saw their unbroken record of giving.
The other was that my mom gave me a copy of Martin Duberman’s book “Stonewall,” a history of the days leading up to and immediately following the uprising. She had read it and wanted me to read it too. A few pages into the book, my mind was blown when I learned I was born on the very day that the Stonewall Uprising began – June 27, 1969. I was born that morning and the cops arrived that night. I’ve joked with my friends ever since that the rioters were not emotional over Judy Garland’s death, but instead were moved by the vibes of my divinely queer birth. I am The Stonewall Baby (which is also the name of a delicious cocktail, look it up).
I called my mom immediately…
“Did you know I was born the day of the Stonewall Riots?”
“I read the book, so yes, I did,” my mom said.
“Did you know at the time what was happening?”
Without missing a beat, she deadpanned:
“I had a few other things going on that day.”
She might not have been following gay news the day I was born, but she was already deeply committed to social justice. She was active in a variety of liberal social causes in the 60s, she took pride in having participated in exposing racial discrimination in housing in suburban Philadelphia in the 70s and was an advocate for gender, racial and LGBTQ+ equity throughout her life. Many times, she raised her voice in solidarity on the steps of the Pennsylvania state capitol. With her kindness and calm resolve, she inspired my brother and me to advocacy throughout our adult lives.
She was a steadfast small donor to many causes, including the Oliver Legrone Scholarship Fund, which she was also a deeply committed long-term volunteer.
Joan Hellman died on February 13, 2024. She was, and will always be, my North Star. As I said at her memorial service, so many of my life goals and philosophy — to balance hard work toward making the world a better place and enjoying the short time I have on this planet — comes from her model of living.
As a Certified Public Accountant, she also taught me obsessively responsible financial management and the duty of dedicating a significant portion of personal assets to social justice. She bequeathed to me some resources that I didn’t have before, and now I am better able to carry her legacy of giving forward. I am immensely proud to support the National Liberty Awards at the Defender Level this year in her name. My friends and family joining me at her table all have a connection and commitment to the social justice issues she dedicated herself to.
While this table has my mom’s name on it, to me it honors every small donor and straight ally who supports Lambda Legal. We need you. We love you. And we are forever on this journey together.
Happy Mother’s Day to all!