Former plaintiffs B. Birgit Koebke and Kendall French recount how their triumphant love helped pave the way to marriage equality.
By Former Lambda Legal Plaintiff B. Birgit Koebke
For more than three decades, our partnership has been our foundation and our rock — one that’s built on love, resilience, curiosity, and a shared belief in fairness. We never imagined our bond would one day be tested in a way that would change our lives — and even the law — forever.
My name is B. Koebke. I was born in Bremen, Germany, and spent my early years living in different countries and continents before eventually settling down in the United States. I built a long career in advertising, spending 36 years as a senior account executive at CBS 8 in San Diego. Along the way, I learned how to be adaptable and how to start over again, as well as the value of persistence and fortitude.
Kendall, my beloved partner in life and beyond, is a true Californian shaped by the sun‑soaked coastline of Laguna Beach. She built her own remarkable career across industries, from hospitality to pharmaceuticals, ultimately retiring as a district sales manager at GlaxoSmithKline. A host extraordinaire, Kendall has been known to tinker with kitchen recipes, craft cocktails to perfection, and welcome guests into our home with warmth and friendliness.
But despite this careful nurturing of self, community, and home, we ended up facing exclusion right in our own backyard.
When Home Became a Battlefield
Kendall and I have always been fans of the outdoors and staying active, especially at our local Bernardo Heights country club. That is, until they turned us away.
What started as a simple request for equal treatment at our country club became a prolonged legal battle when the club refused to extend to us the same membership privileges it granted to married couples. Despite being registered domestic partners at the time, we were denied equal access and recognition under the club’s policies — treated not as a couple, but as individual members.
We raised our concerns and asked for the disparity to be corrected. But instead of resolving the issue, the club stood firmly by its position. Their refusal to treat us with the equality we deserved forced us into a fight we never wanted but ultimately couldn’t walk away from, and we filed a lawsuit against the club in 2001.
The stress of the legal conflict seeped into our daily lives. All of a sudden, this place that had once brought us joy and community had become a battleground — all because we were a same-sex couple. The emotional toll was, at times, almost unbearable.
Forging Ahead with Help from Lambda Legal
Despite the fear, frustration, and uncertainty, Kendall and I refused to be silenced. Our resilience became our anchor. We leaned on each other, drawing strength from our partnership and our shared belief in doing what’s right.
When our case was dismissed by summary judgment in the lower court in San Diego we were devastated.
And then Lambda Legal threw us a lifeline.
Connecting with Lambda marked a turning point. With their expertise and unwavering support, our personal struggle became part of a broader fight for justice. What followed was a yearslong legal fight that demanded courage, patience, and an unshakeable commitment to equality.
Through every setback and every small victory, we held onto hope. Our love became both our shield and our fuel.
Our Relationship Affirmed
Our perseverance and Lambda Legal’s genius carried our case, Koebke v. Bernardo Heights Country Club, all the way to the California Supreme Court. It was there that we were finally victorious in 2005 with the court ruling that same-sex registered domestic partners must be treated the same as married different-sex couples. Our victory added a critical paving stone on the path to marriage equality for same-sex couples in our nation’s largest state.
And that win was more than just a breakthrough legal ruling. It was deeply personal. It validated our experience, affirmed our dignity, and proved that standing up for fairness is how the course of history can be changed.
I remember that moment bringing immense relief, pride, and a profound sense of justice. It was the culmination of years of emotional and financial labor, sacrifice, and unwavering belief in the power of truth.
A Blueprint for Love and Courage
We believe our story, which is the focus of our new memoir, The Fair Way, is a blueprint for courage. And it emphasizes these simple, but powerful lessons that we carry with us always:
- Love can fortify you through the hardest battles.
- Fairness is worth fighting for, even when the odds feel impossible.
- Ordinary people can create extraordinary change.
Our victory helped to reshape civil rights in California and to restore hope for us and others facing discrimination over who they choose to love and grow old with. Today, we continue to live with purpose, joy, and the knowledge that our fight helped protect the rights of those who deserve the same dignity, respect, and fairness.
Click here to learn more about Lambda Legal’s tireless work protecting LGBTQ+ couples and families. Head to the official website for The Fair Way to purchase a copy of the book.